Listening for Eros

3/26/06

In researching a story I wish to use in another format I come across a sound clip from the author Clarissa Estes called If You Wish to Love a Woman. I play it and am immediately swept into a dark room where her voice speaks slowly and clearly, "If you wish to love a woman, you have to take time, " she intones without accent or affect. She pauses wonderfully within sentances and advises simply to keep one's eyes open, to be absolutely present with the person you are with. No sexual tricks or advice on positions, she stresses being able to hear what is not only said, but what is not said and the "sound of skin when you cross your legs; the sound of hair when it moves." One must take the time to be alive and I am almost jolted in my seat at the simplicity of her words. She is not selling herself, her CD, or anything but reminding the listener of what we may have lost along the way.

As I watch children play, run, explore, shake their fannies and grab their penises in distraction with the natural instincts we are born with, I wonder when we move away from that freedom. Kids drive adults nuts with their inability to follow time, to "get ready, hurry up, get a move on, finish up now," on our schedule. In helping them grow into this world, whatever our culture, we shape them in our own images, but is this for the best? If we take away their time to wonder, to sit on our laps, even at 9 years old, to paint their faces and get shit happy in mud puddles aren't we depriving them of those seminal sensual experiences that make life livable?

When we go to the erotica section of a bookstore, or write it ourselves, or rent a porn video, buy a Playboy, visit a sex website, isn't this a side track from where we could be? Of course, not always; maybe we seek them as accessories to our love lives or we are without a partner at the moment, or with one who doesn't fit, so use these to keep our imagination fresh. But if we want to enrich our sensual lives, why is it that we forget to so simply open our eyes and step outside?

A classmate shared that she had spent last night, not studying for our exam, but hiking with the Sierra Club in a nearby canyon. She's single and enjoyed being with new "Dudes & Dudettes" She took the time to invest in being alive and I thought, yes, this is how we must do it. THen at lunch today at a Persian restaurant, she orders a traditional dish of brains, lambs feet and tongue, relishing each bite with a squeeze of lemon and a bite of raw onion in between. She's a mid-wife and literally gets her hands into life for a living and I want to be her in this moment of watching her dive in. Another classmate, pale and wan, orders but hardly touches a salad and a whif of nan and I wonder if she's anorexic or just picky. Two extreme opposites to look at, but who's to tell if one lives more fully than the other? I have heard tell that the best way to judge a woman's sexual appetite is to have a meal with her; I'd have no trouble choosing here.

I am tempted now to buy this CD and listen to more of this sage and seductive voice. But Dr. Estes sabotaged her sales department with her clip. I need merely open my eyes and ears and take time in life. For I suspect Eros sits on every shoulder, whispering in our ears, tickling our cheeks, trembling our fingertips and brushing our kneecaps. If we will only pay attention we can hear her.