Connections

9.15.06

In upgrading my cellphone today I opted for one with all the bells & whistles, camera, video, MP3 player, cappucino maker. Not because I intend to use those functions; I don't. But because the keys are big enough to read without my glasses and it feels good in the hand. It is almost as slim as a credit card and has a lovely red V symbol on the screen, which reminds me of valentines, venture, vivacity, veracity, vigor. It is symbolic of staying in touch, of mobility and now, if I choose, of video connections. All this in a packet of wires, lcd's and metal.

Olu, the Nigerian born salesman who walked me through the sale (and bumped me up to a Bluetooth, which I have no interest in wearing as an accessory, but will use as hands free option in the car on my long commutes) smiled at me at 9 am, the beginning of his day, when I asked him how he liked America and he said he has no complaints. Wow. I'll remember that. He used to live in New York but prefers the slower pace out here. However, he keeps connected to that city's energy through the NYTIMES and in touch with his family online and Nigeria's papers as well. He's now planning on using cyberspace to resume chess games with his brother and I was reminded of how all this techonology keeps us connected in a world where airplanes have replaced the horse and carriage.

I sit on the floor of a hotel room nnear my home because I wanted to be un-connected for a few hours, free from outside inputs and the temptation to mop floors and attend to mundane tasks. I need to make a decision about school and career paths and it seemed the only way to clear my head was to isolate long enough for some clarity to present itself. That has lasted about 2 1/2 hours and the clarity parted long enough to send me out for coffee and chocolate. Lying on a foreign bed with my I-Ching, horoscopes, Psychology reader, laptop, screenplay, notepad, Insight candle, personality test results, school syllabus and an open mind as hints I find that it was the latter, once freed, which had the answer.

So much stimulus. So many messages from wihtout and within. The circadian rhythms, hormonal waves, the ancient familial tapes, the current familial demands, the chemical stimuli, the pull of the past, fear of the future, deire for the unkown all factor into the daily decisions of life. It is so easy to get distracted by what we think we know about ourselves; so hard to listen to our heartbeat and the music it plays.

What came through all the mental gymnastics was clear: the need to stay connected with friends, family, life. And that requires time: time to listen, time to work, time to play, to dance and sing and sit quietly, laugh loudly, love deeply and attentively, to create and rejoice. And time is only here now, in this very minute and it can never be recaptured. Time gets lost to fear and hope and distraction. And the only proof of time well spent is in the connections we make to self, others and the universe.

So I may forgo school now in order to have time for what I truly value the most: family, friends, my passions, learning new skills at work (fishnets are a good compromise to pantyhose, by the way), travel. I will take advantage of the bells and whistles, the cyber tethers and postage stamps and ethernets and hands held and moments of shared silence and time apart and time together. Especially as these precious children grow and still want a mother to walk them into a classroom every now and then. For these are the only moments they will have and know me as a mother who was there.

Now if I can just figure out how to get my phone to foam up a latte, I too will have "no complaints."