A Hole in the Soul
7.4.06
William Moyers, in the June 25th's NYTIMES article "An Anti-Addiction Pill?" by Benoit Deizet-Lewis, spoke about his own battle with addiction and was quoted as saying, "I was born with what I like to call a hole in my soul... A pain that came from the reality that I just wasn't good enough. That I wasn't deserving enough. That you weren't paying attention t me all the time. That maybe you didn't like me enough....For us addicts, recovery is more than just taking a pill or maybe getting a shot. ... Recovery is also about the spirit, about dealing with that hole in the soul."
I sit with this powerful metaphor, early in the morning of our day of Independence, before others awake and am reminded of something someone once said, that we in this nation are all descendents of PTSD survivors. Our ancestors who patriated this land survived great hardship and emotional upheaval to leave their homelands and make a new world here and we have all inherited the residue of those traumas. We know that children of abuse often turn around and abuse, that sons and daughters of alcoholics tend to have addictive personalities as well so this psychic tradition of PTSD makes sense to me in a land of reduced community ties, limited connections with family, friends and one's God and environmental stressors. Coupled with an abundance of food, alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, credit cards, internet and TV fantasies, it's no wonder we are a nation of addicts.
But how is it possible to be born with a "hole in the soul?" To feel unworthy from the get-go as William claimed to have felt? Was this a statement about the parenting he received or was it a mis-match between his basic survival needs at birth (to be nursed, touched, coo-ed on demand) and his mother's ability to provide adequately? Are some of us born with bigger holes to be filled than others? Another article I read recently said that a survey of parents revealed that 70% would not have had children if they had to do it again. Are we so ill prepared for this momentous task that we leave a wake of swiss cheese souls behind in every generation, who in their own airy inadequacies pass on that unfilled space to their children? Or is it the cumulative effects of environments? Or both?
As we try to fill these holes with purchases, escape, experiences and substances, we are teaching our children how to calm their own angst. At a recent family gathering, I noted how often we sit around the TV to socialize. What happened to games, charades, taking a walk, chatting? Yes, the TV has become our new campfire, the waterwell where we share stories, but there is a hypnotic, opiate effect to this media that has been proven to alleviate depression during the watching, but leave the pre-disposed viewer depressed again when the tube is turned off. I'm not saying we're a nation of depressed people (or am I?) but there is a relation between TV viewing hours and overweight amongst kids and we are raising a nation of children with every electronic device possible in their bedrooms and little time or opportunity to explore their physical worlds. And I suspect we are too harried to sit with them, and check in daily, with their emotions, their needs, their hopes and dreams, their psychic worlds.
So our kids grow up with no tools to attend to that "hole in the soul" and are at risk for finding some substance or activity to soothe their psychic pain. As I read more about the shadow side of our psyches and think about the clients I work with for whom food and alcohol are balms for their wounds, those teen who get pregnant too soon, I wonder how we can better socialize and serve our citizens. How can we make and take time to address those empty spaces that we are either born with or develop over time in a nation that stresses consumption over mindfulness? As we celebrate this day of Independence from an oppressive regime, can we liberate ourselves from those drives to excess that sap our spirits? We recognized and then banned chloro-flurocarbons and repaired the ozone layer; can we do the same for our collective "hole in the soul?"
William Moyers, in the June 25th's NYTIMES article "An Anti-Addiction Pill?" by Benoit Deizet-Lewis, spoke about his own battle with addiction and was quoted as saying, "I was born with what I like to call a hole in my soul... A pain that came from the reality that I just wasn't good enough. That I wasn't deserving enough. That you weren't paying attention t me all the time. That maybe you didn't like me enough....For us addicts, recovery is more than just taking a pill or maybe getting a shot. ... Recovery is also about the spirit, about dealing with that hole in the soul."
I sit with this powerful metaphor, early in the morning of our day of Independence, before others awake and am reminded of something someone once said, that we in this nation are all descendents of PTSD survivors. Our ancestors who patriated this land survived great hardship and emotional upheaval to leave their homelands and make a new world here and we have all inherited the residue of those traumas. We know that children of abuse often turn around and abuse, that sons and daughters of alcoholics tend to have addictive personalities as well so this psychic tradition of PTSD makes sense to me in a land of reduced community ties, limited connections with family, friends and one's God and environmental stressors. Coupled with an abundance of food, alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, credit cards, internet and TV fantasies, it's no wonder we are a nation of addicts.
But how is it possible to be born with a "hole in the soul?" To feel unworthy from the get-go as William claimed to have felt? Was this a statement about the parenting he received or was it a mis-match between his basic survival needs at birth (to be nursed, touched, coo-ed on demand) and his mother's ability to provide adequately? Are some of us born with bigger holes to be filled than others? Another article I read recently said that a survey of parents revealed that 70% would not have had children if they had to do it again. Are we so ill prepared for this momentous task that we leave a wake of swiss cheese souls behind in every generation, who in their own airy inadequacies pass on that unfilled space to their children? Or is it the cumulative effects of environments? Or both?
As we try to fill these holes with purchases, escape, experiences and substances, we are teaching our children how to calm their own angst. At a recent family gathering, I noted how often we sit around the TV to socialize. What happened to games, charades, taking a walk, chatting? Yes, the TV has become our new campfire, the waterwell where we share stories, but there is a hypnotic, opiate effect to this media that has been proven to alleviate depression during the watching, but leave the pre-disposed viewer depressed again when the tube is turned off. I'm not saying we're a nation of depressed people (or am I?) but there is a relation between TV viewing hours and overweight amongst kids and we are raising a nation of children with every electronic device possible in their bedrooms and little time or opportunity to explore their physical worlds. And I suspect we are too harried to sit with them, and check in daily, with their emotions, their needs, their hopes and dreams, their psychic worlds.
So our kids grow up with no tools to attend to that "hole in the soul" and are at risk for finding some substance or activity to soothe their psychic pain. As I read more about the shadow side of our psyches and think about the clients I work with for whom food and alcohol are balms for their wounds, those teen who get pregnant too soon, I wonder how we can better socialize and serve our citizens. How can we make and take time to address those empty spaces that we are either born with or develop over time in a nation that stresses consumption over mindfulness? As we celebrate this day of Independence from an oppressive regime, can we liberate ourselves from those drives to excess that sap our spirits? We recognized and then banned chloro-flurocarbons and repaired the ozone layer; can we do the same for our collective "hole in the soul?"
posted by Barbery at 7:14 AM
1 Comments:
Wize words...
I guess the task is to learn what causes the hole in each of our souls to enlarge ...
what do WE get rid of in order to allow the hole to slowly shrink, to close
what do WE do to heal ourselves
as a side note, as someone who believes in the concept of reincarnation, I do believe that you can be born already having that hole that needs to be filled
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