Letting Go

9.16.06

Our video guru at 20/20 looked a little less than himself today. I haven't been there in a long time so hadn't noticed the change but when I asked he admitted to having lost weight. Turns out his family has a history of heart attacks and one night as he sat smoking and drinking a beer he felt a pain in his shoulder and and his heart flip flop. He vowed that if this went away he would quit everything. And it did. And he did. Changed his diet, his routines, instead of smoking at night, went out running. He feels much better, has more energy and looks great. I'm always interested in people's success stories and what spurs them to decide to take care of themselves. Letting go of old habits is hard to do and most people try a few times before succeeding.

We humans learn by repetition and I guess we have to unlearn that way as well. Some people do go cold turkey with various addictions, but most need to find replacement activities to use when dealing with whatever triggers their needs to soothe anxiety, loneliness, boredom. And sadly our culture does not proffer meditation, taking a deep breathe, slowing down, listening to music, dancing, playing, getting naked or beating one's chest in anger or pride as constructive ways to cope. Nothing to sell there.

On our way back from the store, the kids decided to stop into a furniture display room. Hanah found an angora covered bean bag which she sank into like a peach in quick sand. A perferct place to park one's patootie. Then Noah had to try all the sofas, beds and chairs, lounging like James Bond in a 60's, 70's or 50's bachelor's pad depending on the style. Hanah found a series of suede swatches, which were lovely to touch and I found a cork covered pillow and a bead covered one as well. Wonderful new textures I wouldn't have thought of for resting against. A pony hair chair, an alpaca rug, smooth fabrics and nubby ones all invited fingers to touch and skin to sink against. Sitting in the various settings made me want to raise a martini and discuss detente, play backgammon or listen to a pianist entertaining the guests. Wonderful little escape from a daily routine, all prompted by a different setting, a child's curiosity.

These are the moments which fill me with gratitude for the time to experience something new. I had been feeling losses lately and this mental meandering reminded me that we can create new worlds at any time, retrieve lost moments, find new friends, re-kindle old connections and make fresh ones. On the way back, we met a poor dog who had been beaten by his breeder. The kids patiently waited to pet him, as he trembled from memories of being terrorized. It's these moments when we can connect to our fellow planet mates, animals and humans alike, that I feel most grounded and reminded of how when a door closes in one place another opens someplace else.

I wonder if we could find more of these moments if we wouldnt' be driven to our excesses, if we could more easily let go of them knowing that we had these safety nets to fall into. We are born with them, but I guess many of us have them taken away or trampled on, torn in the chaos of familial dissaray or national upheaval or natural disaster. Rend the nets often enough and we leak through the holes and spend the rest of our lives trying to mop ourselves up again into a coherent whole. So, our video guy has let go of some of himself, his crutches and is mending his nets. I wish him and all of us, sturdy twine and strong needles with which to patch these feathery, fluid, and airy fabrics, that hold our hearts and our souls.