And All is Right with The World

9.14.07

The other day I passed K-mart and saw a woman breast-feeding proffering her white melon to her toddler as she sat on a huge appliance box. Her family was around her and it was as natural a scene as if she were offering a juice box. They were Hispanic and nearby was a fruit vendor selling the ubiquitous "cocteles" of mango, cucumber, jicama, watermelon and pineapple. For some reason this was comforting and put a smile on my face. The domesticity, the absolute lack of self consciousness, the normalcy in an other wise confusing world these days.

And just now, my thigh feels cooled from a leaky hose that errantly sprayed me while I cleaned the yard. A smell of chorinated water took me back many years to swimming in barge pools on the Seine, on hot summer days and how I loved the feeling of undreassing in the dark bathrooms, feeling goosebumps on my legs and that wonderful hot-cold contrast of air against skin.

These moments are small, yet grand. The ever blossoming Crepe myrtles in teh front yard. A bicycle ride to the park for dance class. Late sun glinting through tree branches as I enjoy a beer on the front porch. My son's spontaneous hugs and my daughter's big eyed love of life that greets each day with non-stop chatter. Eye contact with a client who "gets it." Pastel colored walls of a dream house that could be.

I wonder why hope and happiness comes when it comes. There's so much crap and bad news out there and when time is pressed, it's so easy to miss the marks of joy. I see many furrowed brows out there and when a cashier inquires kindly about my sniffles I wonder how did he learn to make connections, when someone else does not? Who teaches us and how do we learn when our parents have lead less than fully present lives? There are books. There is "The Secret". There are gurus and ashrams and pamphlets and meditation tapes. Catalogues filled with the most fashionable way to do yoga on a Hawaiian beach. And more and more "connection" filled lingo in our television shows, more soul searching themes as we baby boomers kick and scream into the night. Of course, there are many ways to walk through life, with or without embracing it all. And as many ways to live and love as there are furrows and smiles.

My grandmother was a soul filled with curiosity and a sneaky little sense of humor. One of her sons was a grouch. The other, my father, was a lovely soul whose presence was welcomed. He met you with a smile and a hug and made people feel welcome. How did he get that and my uncle not? And sadly, why did said mean spirited uncle outlive my gracious father by 20 years? Is there a joy gene that allows some of us to really see, and in seeing, have it all in this life?

I took my daugther to teh doctor with me the other day, missing a sitter and figuring she would be interested, given her desire to be a vet. I told her to think of me as just a really big dog. But once we got the room she seemed a little worried, so I explained what would be done and she chose to stay, reading her book and perhaps listening. Afterwards, I asked her how she was and she said okay, but I could tell there was more on her mind. I explained that as we get older, things change in our bodies and that sometimes we have to check them out and make sure they're okay and I told her I was okay. She seemed relieved and said, "well, okay because you have to be around during high school so I can get mad at you." I laughed and hugged her and asked her to always speak up if she was worried. I promised I was going to be around a long time to bug her.

Later, I wondered if she was thinking, with this jet speed brain of hers, of my mother dying at 58, just 8 years older than myself. Hanah'll be 16 when I'm at that age and I have often wondered if I will outlive my mum. I've got a few increased risk factors these days for an earlier death than the 99 I'm projected to reach given my health habits and family history. But you never know.

So, maybe these moments are just reminders to keep open to every joy that presents itself. WHen skin feels good to touch, when a hug feels in order, when a gelato beckons or a walk around the neighborhood, this is happiness. And in happiness comes hope for more, faith in that breastfeeding mother and her child and all who come and go around her. Hope for things that feel good and the many someones with whom to to share it all. Our children, our families, our loved ones, our neighbors, our co-workers, ourselves. That's when all's right with the world. When the door is open to let it all in.